Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
