haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
