but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize