matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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