Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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