Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
