Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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