if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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