I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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