She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude. I can hear the air.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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