I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize