"it" just moved
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
