I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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