How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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