He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
