OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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