1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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