I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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