I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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