would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
