She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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