Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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