The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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