I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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