Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
