Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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