Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize