Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
