hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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