Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
