That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
