Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
