Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
