Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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