She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
