just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
