So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
