It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
