she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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