She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
