Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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