His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
