Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
