At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
