It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
