I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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