Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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