put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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