I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
