I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
