i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
