Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
pop tarts are not kleenex
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
