i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
