I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize