just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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