well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
