I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
