i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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