Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
