i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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