i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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