Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
