you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
