Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
