if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
