He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
