she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize