Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
