do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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