just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
