Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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