Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my phone needs a breathalizer
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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