I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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