You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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