I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
