Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
