I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
