what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never joke about your clitoris.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
