Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
