omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize