i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize