This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
