that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
